A’s pointless chatter

Last night America changed the course of history - not only that of its own, but after a long period of apathy and resignation, followed by a steep economic and moral decline, for the first time in many years people have come together to reassemble the building blocks anew. Returning back to the foundations and replacing frail bricks with more solid structures, reaching out beyond the shores of their own land by remembering the roots.

While a charismatic figure like Barack Obama, the new president-elect won’t magically restore the damage built up over time, he appears to have succeeded on a more subtle level, unifying opposing parties and convictions around one shared hope. The new challenges will be great and the results won’t shape up overnight, and yet every action is preceded by an idea, a passion which sets out the path to the desired goal.

Great men and women, be it political, economic or other pioneers, have one essential characteristic in common - their unwavering spark and conviction. I remember the early stages of the presidential race, endless months of campaigning, where Hillary Clinton seemed to seal the democratic candidacy from the outset. And yet - step by step and state by state the numbers began to tilt in someone else’s favor; an energetic young figure, who did not stand out on account of long service and accomplishments but who electrified the crowds with his strong vision, a vision which reflects the founding values of America and the changing horizons ahead of us.

A German newspaper called him “Der weiß-schwarze Präsident” (the black and white president) this morning, a moniker which reflects what this is all about. The economy, healthcare, the war - those issues all played into the decision, but this result transcends the status quo by reflecting the changes of our globalized world. A blending of cultures - forming a new global image. The advent of technology, ever faster and more efficient means of transportation and communication have brought us closer together and the borders have began to blur, not least with the expansion of the EU. What better place to reflect and turn these changes into everyday reality than the very land which symbolizes the melting pot of cultures. People who set out to new shores, while leaving old roots and fears behind. America as the land which once opened its doors to millions and millions of immigrants from the Old Continent who would reshape the face of this continent forever. After losing sight of this crucial part of its history - one of the founding and unifying values of this nation - on November 4th, 2008 the country reclaimed its values. It has lived up once again to its reputation as the land where everything is possible by electing the son of a former immigrant, as the first African American president. This decisive vote does not only symbolize the end of the Civil Rights Movement, but also the re-found strength which is needed to rekindle hope and to restore the former splendor of this nation. And just like at the beginning of the 20th century, the world has once again come together at the shores of the New Continent to rise like a Phoenix from the Ashes.

Sometimes I feel this unexplainable desire to write. Whenever this happens and I begin to type away, the words seem to virtually flow through my fingers, almost as if they were written by someone else. It can be a small, mundane detail which captures my attention and sets thoughts in motion, conjuring up vivid images in my mind.

Today I am again feeling this urge – maybe as a result of some unusual encounters lately. Small things that add up to shape the overarching percept, which lures my mind into the distance. I am sitting on the train, cars are buzzing past, people streaming by, getting on and off the train. It almost feels surreal, as I am cocooned in my thoughts which echo the music that I listen to through headphones -Rodrigo y Gabriela. Gentle Flamenco tunes blend nicely with the golden texture of the sun, which seems to chase along the train tracks, appearing and disappearing like the stage setting in a theater.

Although the US presidential election dominates the political limelight, Austria is gearing up for its own smaller-scale political showdown, promising new hope and shrugging off previous mistakes. Burying the failures of the past underneath a layer of fairytale rhetoric, which is supposed to numb the mind into being oblivious to burning issues.

I remember passing by a campaign ad which read something like “Immigrating illegally will buy you a ticket back home”. At first the thought made me shake my head but then I couldn’t help laughing. What if you don’t have a home to begin with? What if you never had a home from the very day you were born? What if you never will have a “home” ? What if you only experienced the idea vicariously through others’ fervent pride and desire felt for their “homeland”?

Imagine that you have never had a true home that you were able to identify with a 100 % from the day you were born. You were labeled second best by the country you were born into, singled out as different yet again by the people you associate yourself with. Even if your adopted home gave you safety and a future to look forward to, you were never truly at “home”.You blend in, you never stand out on account of the color of your skin. The way you speak disguises you as one of them and yet your thoughts betray you, you feel torn, always wedged in between two opposing ends. Always stuck between two chairs , never with the feet firmly on the ground.

People whose heritage marks them out as different may be the ones who understand best. They may not even know anything about their ethnic origins, culture or their parents’ homeland and yet small cues will point like a sore thumb to the fact they are after all different.

But when you meet someone else who has walked in your shoes, regardless of where they are at this point, you instantly form a strong bond beyond words - a mutual understanding. You have both never felt strong ties to any one place, staking claim to one destination on the map. Rather, you come to find rapport in a way, which allows for limits to be bent. This level of comfort follows your individual paths and is not rooted in one place or in geographical concepts but in the moment of your encounter.

I know I had been silent for a while. Call it a time out.
Things have happened in my absence, of course, and even though many times I felt inspired to add another thought to share, I decided against it.
But today I want to share a small story with you, it relates to one of my very first posts on here.

It was about a year ago, maybe even more, when I met this young African guy Jeff on the train and gave him my magazine, after he had asked me where one could buy English magazines in Austria.
Do you remember my earlier post United Colors?
If not, feel free to scroll all the way down and read it again.
But back to Jeff, I mentioned how we had exchanged a couple of emails after that and then we stopped communicating.
I pretty much forgot all about it.
And now, a year later, I suddenly find this message in my inbox. He wanted to get in touch again, as that one little incident had made such an impact on him back then. He told me how he had faced diversities, being wrongly imrpisoned for a few months even. Now, life has been better, he started his own business and him and his girlfriend are expecting their first baby. In his email he mentions how he had not met anyone who was so nice to him here ever since our encounter on the train. This statement really touched and shocked me at the same time. For me it was a brief encounter and a random act of kindness, nothing I wouldn’t have done on any other occasion.
However touched I am, it also proves to me that our world can be very cold. Especially people of different ethnicity often face invisible barriers. In this context I remember two movies I recently watched, Babel and Freedom Writers. Whereas the former shows how kindness for some is a cultural given, just recall the scene where the young guide refuses to accept money in exchange for his help, the latter proves small things can have a far-reaching effect. I felt very empowered after watching the movie,  but I feel even more empowered having found resonance in real life.
Apparently, it is still about the little things…

I just came back from a weekend trip to Berlin which happened to also coincide with the World Cup this year. Seeing that Germany beat Sweden Germans flocked to the streets on Saturday to celebrate their victory. Berlin was basked in a sea of German flags and time stood still for the remainder of the day.

Would be of course interesting to be around if they indeed happen to win the World Cup. But maybe best to stay home after all…

I read an interesting article this morning. Dr. Hajime Kimata, a Japanese doctor, recently conducted an experiment with people suffering from allergies. He recruited 24 couples who were instructed to kiss for a period of 30-minutes. Blood samples taken before and after the experiment showed a significant decrease in immunoglobulin E (IgE), which is responsible for triggering symptoms of asthma and hay fever. 

While I am one of the lucky ones who has been spared from allergies thus far, the idea of swaping spit does sound more fun than popping pills. So, maybe best put into practice in the name of further research;-)

Happy kissing!

Is it just me? Or does rain automatically trigger thoughts?

I believe my time here is nearing its end…

I eventually did find good sushi in Houston…

Still haven’t made it to Austin or Dallas…

I did not find what I expected when I came here but I found things I did not expect…

I learned to value A/C, in Houston it is indeed a necessity…

You can trust people who take care of yellow rubber duckys…

I am enjoying my new collection of endless hours of music…

…even in Houston the rain does cease eventually…

"Everything happens for a reason", I am sure we have all heard this phrase before, me included, countless times. Usually voiced by someone who is trying to encourage us, make us feel better about something bad that happened. I remember having this conversation recently with a friend of mine. I was reflecting upon my life, or to be precise rather the most recent few years of it and how much had happened in such a relatively short time span. Major changes have forced me to readjust and adapt my perspective accordingly. I had to face a series of setbacks. But all in all while looking back at the bottom of the ladder I can say that I have overall continued toward a postive upward trend.

I had met my friend inmidst of the beginning of the end of a significant period of my life and looking back I feel bad about having been such a basketcase at the time we met. Well, given the circumstances this may be natural, but still somewhat of an unusual start of a new friendship. He however, pointed out that what matters to him is what has emerged from that, or how I have transformed throughout the years to arrive where I am now.

Especially when we look at massive disasters that affect an entire group of people, we can observe how differently people cope with one and the same scenario. While some mourn the loss and linger on the bottom, others will start to pick up the pieces after the intial shock and get to work. One thought inherent in Buddhist philosophy I always liked, is the notion that nothing is permanent, which is why we should accept and let go. This, I believe helps the one who will let the past rest and put the present to work.  Whenever I have my downtimes, like we all do, I try to remind myself of a few key things. First, the assets, what is there that I still have, that I feel strong about, that is worth focusing on instead. Second, I try to accept the past and its consequences, be it good or bad. You will just walk two steps back if you regret having or not having done something, while missing to react to that what you are faced with right now. People have a tendency to either live in the past or the future, while none of the two are attainable.

I often hear the phrase, "I shouldn’t have…" and last time I heard it, I recall saying, "But this can’t be changed. It already happened and we just have to react and deal with the status quo." Same reason why I don’t like apologies or promises, I rather wait for the actions, that what you perceive now, not yesterday or tomorrow.

Also, there is truth in the saying "there is something good in everything bad", you just need to look close enough. If I retrace the succession of events, I realise many things would have never taken place had they not been preceded by something bad. Unexpected chances are often born that way and I am fascinated to see such course of events.

…and in closing the circle, I would have probably missed the opportunity for a great friendship had I not been confronted with an unfortunate situation at that point. And in this aspect there is indeed something good in everything bad:)

I place much importance on my friendships, especially those that last for a long time. Friendship to me is a give and take and resists the test of time. People come and go, many pledge and promise things, friends don’t, they simply act, they show friendship through their actions.
I have been meaning to dedicate a post to some of those whose friendship I treasure and value most, but somehow I never got around doing it….well, most recently I was once again reminded of the meaning of real friendship.:)

My friend Krisna, a wonderful spirit, one of the few people who knows more about me than most everyone else. We have been through a lot together, being there for each other countless times. She is back in Virginia now and I often miss her, but I know that neither distance nor time will harm our friendship. I know, also she has proved it many times, that she is always there for me, and vice versa.

My friend George, who never fails to support and forgive me, even when I make mistakes. We have been friends for many, many years and he has seen me go through different stages in my life. He is one of the most patient and forgiving people I know. Even when I disappoint him, he is there for me. He calls me his little sister.:)
Someone who I would name first on my list thinking of friends for life.

John and Michelle, we have only known each other for a short period of time, but those two embody every word others say when it comes to friendship. Particularly most recently they have been there for me on countless occasions, working with me through difficulties. It is strange, but even though we really haven’t known each other for long, I feel as if I could talk with them about anything. With Michelle I feel almost as if we had known each other for years. She is one of those people who will make you comfortable by her sheer presence. John is almost like the brother I never had, someone who will support me and equally put my head straight and my feet back on the ground. Even when I feel lousy he does not fail to make me laugh.

Cort, we sometimes go without talking for a while, simply because we are so far apart and both our lives are busy, but I know I can count on him to always be my friend. We have shared many ups and downs together, putting friendship into practice on two continents. Cort is a wonderful spirit whose energy and zest always put a smile on my face.

Ariel and I have never met in one and the same place twice, well maybe this year we will break the pattern, I am thinking of stopping by in NY. He is one of those friends who I equally value and admire. I admire his drive, his zest for life and spirit of adventure. Even when he is having a hard time he will make you laugh instead of you supporting him. He proved to be a true friend when I first met him and despite the distance we have remained friends throughout the years…meeting on unexpected roads down the road we have shared some great moments together.

Two people I would also like to mention, first of Ed…he and I only had  the chance to spend little time together, unfortunately, but he was there for me at an extremely difficult point in my life. A very caring person, someone who will not let you down and run, even when things get rough.
Dustin I only met recently, but aside from lending me an open ear I have been truly touched by his careing and supportive nature. He always checks up on me, making sure I am ok… Sometimes it’s those little things that make the difference.

Isabell I have known ever since highschool, we had our ups and downs
and remained friends throughout the years. She has been there for me
many times and she never fails to put a smile on my face.

Recently, I had to bid farewell to another special friend, William. He and I had shared many unique moments and equally sparked each others lives. I am glad I made a difference in your life:)

Mike is someone I have known for years as well, we have grown a little apart lately, mainly due to time constraints, but he is also one of those people I know they will always be there for me.

There have been a number of wonderful people who have given me their friendship throughout the years, some of whom I lost touch with but they too have been great friends at one point or another, and I have not forgotten about you.

According to a survey recently published by Mercer HR Consulting Vienna ranks fourth among the best places to live worldwide, only surpassed by Zurich, Geneva and Vancouver. See: www.mercerhr.com
Despite of having lived in Vienna for quite a while I have never thought of the place in such terms.
Sure, it is a nice and safe place to live, crime is low, poverty is relatively well controlled; economy is healthy and growing, in fact the Austrian stock market marked a very successful past year. The social welfare system guarantees health care for all citizens. The only downfall is this is of course all financed by taxes that can be exorbitant. But all in all in congruence with statistical analyses a very liveable place.
One just never notices such, once you get used to the status quo you take things for granted.
And I am no exception, I have failed to notice the beauty of some of the most remarkable architecture to be found along Vienna’s famous Ring road long ago. Where tourists stand in awe, and marvel, I simply stroll by.
The only times I come to really notice, to see, is when it is not present. The times when I am away, when I picture those details in my memory.
I begin to miss the small alleyways, the downtown pedestrian zone, the botanical garden steps away from my apartment… Not that I am unhappy or discontent when that happens. I just start feeling this urge, longing. Funny how we always long for what we don’t have. Or maybe we just need a constant comparison, contrasts.
Things in motion tend to fascinate me, draw my attention. A train in the distance, an approaching plane, sailboats drifting off toward the horizon…
However good of a place Vienna may be, I am starting to feel restless again as I write these lines. Time to see new shores, new cities, new people…

Safety, a basic human right and something
we tend to take for granted. As long as we are safe and sound there is simply
no reason to worry, right?
Why question and bother if things are smooth sailing? I am not necessarily
promoting life in fear and advocating for mistrusting everyone, but sometimes
we tend to be unnecessarily careless with our health, our safety etc.
I just heard the unsettling news from a good friend of mine who lives in LA.
She told me how she was attacked and threatened with a knife recently, but
somehow she fought the attackers off and escaped the whole incident with a few
cuts and bruises. The external scars will disappear with time but that what is
hard to overcome are the invisible injuries; split seconds that may be relived
over and over again.
Those who have ever been in a similar situation know the feeling, myself
included.
I was lucky, very, very lucky.
My assault last year ended with ‘only’ a few bruises and scrapes. The external
wounds eventually healed, but I have never felt as safe anymore and I am always
watchful of my surroundings. I tend to get nervous if people walk too close
behind me and I often increase my pace or cross over to the other side of the
street.
Chances are usually very slim that one will be attacked repeatedly in the same
place but one’s mind is hard to trick into believing the facts.
We learn from mistakes, in fact we are trained to learn from danger, which is
helpful to avoid similar risks.
I wish I was there to help my friend, being familiar with the feeling I can
relate all too well.
Another friend complained recently how his girlfriend would be upset because
she felt he was too over-protective by worrying about her being out late at
night on her own.
I too used to wander around believing nothing would happen to me, as I was
careful, kept a low profile, until…
Me and my friend we were both somewhat lucky, I just feel sad thinking about
those who may have been attacked thereafter by the same perpetrators.
….funny how one never questions things, such as well-being, health, safety,
etc. until the coin flips and we are confronted with the other end of the scale.

Cultural differences are attached to great importance, so much so that consultants are sought out to mediate between the enormous gap of dos and don’ts that seem sheer unsurmountably numerous in a culture alien to our own. Mannerisms, characteristics and traditions aside, I believe the most crucial bridge or gap to another person is humor. In my eyes it is one of the key differences between cultures and will often be decisive as to whether we are in or out. If someone tells a joke in a group and one person does not understand the punchline while everyone else is cracking up, the unfortunate individual does not only feel left out, but has indeed missed the connecting moment and ends up being ‘left out’. In terms of culture, humor can vary a lot, in contrast to the rather dry, dark sarcastic British humor as portrayed by Monty Python, I find American humor more overt, often full of sexual innuendos. It’s interesting how one thing may be pissing-your-pants funny to one person and not funny at all to someone else. The importance of the cultural context becomes very clear once we are required to translate a joke into another language and suddenly realize that the punchline is completely lost.
Humor is one of the key characteristics that potential mates are judged by. Whereas women generally prefer a man who is actively humorous and can make them laugh, the male counterparts seek to make a woman laugh and tend to see her as more likeable when she is entertained by his jokes.
Sigmund Freud had already dedicated an entire book titled Jokes and their relationship to the unconscious to the importance of jokes. He saw them as a safe outlet for forbidden thoughts and desires. A way to voice criticism without further (negative) consequences. A theory that seems even more plausible when we think of blond jokes, jokes involving ethnicities, sexual jokes. Presented as a joke they are usually not perceived as offensive; however, the same facts told in an objective and sensible manner will most likely not prompt laughter but rather verbal or physical attacks.
I too have found that one of the key characteristics that I base my judgement on about people is their sense of humor. And in response to the question what I find attractive in the opposite sex, humor would probably rank amongst the top of my list.
But what is the secret of the enigmatic power of humor? Why is it attached to so much importance?
A smile breaks the ice for sure, but it also makes us feel better. When we laugh we generally feel good, the body produces endorphins and once the natural high kicks in and we float on giggly bubbles, we feel refreshed, energized and happy. Humor signals the absence of threat or danger, not that this is always objectively true, but a given situation appears less menacing, less burdening.
People deal differently with each and the same scenario and humor is often a relevant coping mechanism. The situation will not be altered but that what can be changed is how we tackle it and our reactions will set the further course of events.
…anyhow after all that psycho babble something to smile:

Neurotics build castles in the sky.
Psychotics live in them.
Psychiatrists collect the rent.

I finally finished my last touches on "Munich" late last night. By far one of my most compelling assignments. I was repeatedly virtually sucked into the movie and had a hard time pausing to do the required work.
In my eyes Spielberg did an amazing job of portraying the dynamics of violence and retaliation beyond the sheer black and white concept of right or wrong. As the story unfolds, the viewer feels almost torn between the sides, the lines seem to blur and the question of justice cannot be answered in simple terms anymore.
Whether an action is justified or not will always depend on the viewer’s perspective; everyone always justifies their doing, whether someone else will see the just cause as well, is of course debateable.
Another interesting detail, we find in the progressing changes of the human mind, or in this case the protagonists of the movie. Transgressing stages from fear and respect before human lives, beyond ethnicity and political denomination, to automated actions, deprived of humanity for the sheer purpose of meeting an unquestioned objective.
However, in the course of the events our heros experience a gradual transformation, beginning to realize the endless circle they are suddenly trapped in, turning from the hunters into targets themselves.
An interesting quote at the end of the movie mirrors the change within our main protagonist. He questions the accomplishments of the mission, pointing out that each man that they had killed had been replaced by worse. He now sees that there is no end to this and his victory comes with a bitter aftertaste.
Bloodshed and killing can hardly ever be seen objectively from one angle only, there will always be someone on each side strongly believing in their subjectively valid arguments. Who is to decide which ones merit more justification? The director’s empathic attempt of transporting this message across through emotions and skilled cinematography becomes even more impressive to me when one considers his own, personal ethnic and historic background.
Nameless violence that we follow day in day out on the news is given here a human face. In subtle scenes, such as the little Palestinian girl playing the piano and smiling innocently at her father’s future assasin, or Avner’s, the main protagonist’s little baby girl uttering her first words into his ear over the phone. The little girl, his flesh and blood, that he has not held anymore since the day she was born. The dichotomy of giving and taking life.
Few movies venture to take a deeper look beyond the obvious, beyond right or wrong, just or unjust, and simply portray the human being in categories instead of as a whole, with his downfalls, weaknesses, sensitivity, compassion, but also his capacity to hurt, or even take lives…but this one certainly does.

The following story is not my own invention, but it is a nice tale that I read in a Zen book my friend Cort brought along one day. I am not sure what prompted him to, but he told me I have to promise to read the book, at least a few pages a day…. I was curious and I did, and I am happy he gave it to me back then, as especially the following story has helped me along the way. It does not impart any secret wisdom, just some very basic and simple life rules that are almost a given and we yet forget to follow… But we have friends who happen to remind us along the way.

An emperor embarks on his search for three essential answers.
What is the right time for each thing to be done? Who is the most important person at any
given time? What is the most important thing at all times?
He sets out to visit a hermit in the woods. He finally meets the wise man and poses the above questions, but the man remains silent and continues to pursue his task, namely digging a hole in the ground.
Eventually, the emperor feels pity with the old man and decides to give him a hand and takes over.
Suddenly, a man shows up, bleeding profusely from a wound.
The emperor attends to his wound, as the man collapses before him. Once he regains onsciousness, he is filled with gratitude and asks for forgiveness, for he is an enemy of the emperor who had come to kill
him on his way back home from his quest in the woods. But since the emperor had failed to show up, he had started to walk back and was met by the emperor’s guards who recognized him and inflicted this wound upon him.
The emperor is happy to be still alive, and reconciles with his former enemy.

Later, he asks the hermit again about the answers and the man replies.
“But you have long gotten the answers…First, the most important task was helping me digging that hole, as that saved your life. Had you returned back home earlier, you would have been met and stabbed by your enemy. In that instance I was the most important person and the pursuit was to help me.
Later, when you attended to the wound of the injured man, that was your most
important task, as otherwise he would have died and you would have never had a chance to reconcile with your former enemy. Back then, he was the most important person and the pursuit was helping him.

Therefore, the most important time for anything is the present
moment, because that is the only time we have dominion over. The most important person is the one you are with, as you never know if you will have another chance to be with them again. And the most important aim is to help others, as that is the pursuit of life.”

I have always loved the sound of the bamboo grove when the wind brushes through the leaves, creating this unique tune that I find incredibly soothing.
I would often go to the nearby botanical park to see the bamboo plants and listen to their magical whisper.
Bamboo has been highly valued by various cultures for cultural, practial and religious purposes. It is especially popular in most Asian countries.
Appreciated for its strength, lightness and durability it serves as excellent construction material used to manufacture furniture, bridges, scaffoldings or houses.
Many Asian cultures believe that humanity first emerged from a bamboo stem. A popular gift in China, it is believed to bring good fortune and is also a symbol for longevity.

While I type this little encylopedic information, I am looking at the miniture bamboo in front of me. It is not in any way related to the bamboo species that yield scaffoldings or bridges and unfortunately, it does not produce the soothing sound of leaves brushing against each other. It was given to me for good fortune and has flourished ever since.
I too have given a "lucky bamboo" to someone recently. I am not sure if it will bring good fortune to the bearer and recipient, but it seemed a very special plant at the time. It still makes me smile when I think back and remember how I bought it. It was a spontaneous gift, I had not planned on giving it and it just sort of came to me when I saw it in the store. I asked the lucky recipient, who was with me at the time to choose one of the bamboo plants in front of him, but he told me to select the fortune bringer instead.
Unknowingly, I ended up choosing the very same bamboo that he had picked out of maybe 30 other plants just moments before without me observing it.
It may be just coincidence… or still good fortune after all?

We are sitting at a downtown Vienna cafe where we met for brunch, the lady who was hired to musically accentuate the scene renders her 10th repetition of the same tune. Not purposely, as she had arrived here with a repertoir of various songs, but we can’t help thinking that they all melt into the same set of keys. Eventually we decide to part, sometimes it is just better not to prolong your own misery.

Next pit stop, a cafe in the first, and I am introduced to Parisian coffee. This gigantic mug in front of me resembles more of a soup bowl than anything else and however much I struggle with its content, the liquid just does not seem to disappear. About an hour later I give up and we move on to see Prime.
A movie about love against the background of age difference, and the problems unfold once we find out that our protagonist’s young lover is at the same time her therapist’s son.
One line in the movie goes like this: “Love is not enough, a relationship requires work.”
While I do agree with that, I also have to object and say it is a very essential ingredient. If work outweighs love, the benefit of the liasion becomes questionable.
No one is perfect and in the end perfection lies in loving the imperfection of the other. Yet most people don’t seem to live fulfilling relationship, they settle for familiarity, comfort and habit. Those qualities are not necessarily unimportant but they do not replace love, which is probably why those relationships never seem complete.
It is hard to break habits, good or bad.
A long time ago I read The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm. He set out to illustrate the difference between owning and having in love, and in his eyes most modern relationships are rather based on the former where the other is owned and dominated, whereas unconditional love can only come about if it is nurtured by freedom. His notion seems a tad too idealized to me, but I do think he has some valid points. Whereas people are often loved because of a collection of traits and aspects, real love to me encompasses the person as a whole. While the former is rigid and hardly leaves room for change, the latter allows people to grow and develop further.
Love should not require the other to be shaped and formed to fit our needs and desires. We might try to change each other and partialy succeed, but often the outcome is less satisfying than initially expected. Then also the question is, who did we fall in love with to begin with, the actual person or our own ideal that we projected onto them?

I also don’t think the feeling of loss felt after the absence of a person is love. Past memories are often idealized and especially past relationships. Instead of loving what really was we tend to love what we think or wish that it was, thus chasing a never attained or attainable ideal. Love, on the other hand, is omnipresent, it just simply is.
I have lived many ups and downs in my life, probably because I refuse to settle and in a sense I may be an idealist. Certainly a recipe for disappointment, but at the end of the day I can say I have lived.
While most relationships are familiarty versus love I do believe the latter exists. I have not seen many living examples but a few I have.
I think what is important in the end, is that we are fully one with what we choose, our actions, who we are, our goals and the person we are with.

I remember as a kid I had wanted to become a writer, the first book I ever scribbled on was the Little Prince; this must have sealed the deal as it has accompanied me ever since, popping up in various shapes, forms and situations. My most recent copy is one that I cherish probably just as much as the one whose pages bear my illegible initals. It was given to me several months ago by a dear friend who specially illustrated the book with hidden drawings I would discover as I read. I don’t think I had ever mentioned to him how I had ‘illustrated’ my very first copy too, not in such an elaborate way, but twenty some years later it was almost like a déjà vu…
Now, I never finished any book I had begun writing, I continued scribbeling along the way, but I never seemed to follow through to the end. Now without looking for a deeper psychological meaning, I could also argue the end is open to discussion and individual interpretation, but this is probably more of a lame excuse for something I simply can’t or ignore to name.
Later, after years and pages had been filled with the joys and pains of growing up I decided to try the serious, ‘practical’ route, I enrolled in journalism and anthropology, hoping to gain a broader world perspective and give those a voice who had remained unheard…yea, I never lost my idealism, but somehow, I again did not follow through and my brief career as a reporter yielded exactly one analysis of those muddy political waters Austria was drowning in back at the time (not that much has changed, but it has been legitimized and people simply got used to the status quo).
Somehow, I still ended up typing for a living, admittedly, those of you who have watched me, know I am not a sophisticated typer but those few fingers applied in the process make up in speed what they lose in quantity. I am not unhappy with the outcome, I do love what I do and many times feel like my job is really fun…but I write for others, those are not my thoughts.
So back to the roots and back to ‘ego’ who is aiming to perpetuate erratic thoughts, random ideas or simply pointless chatter and thus ventures into the blogging sphere; why write a book if by the time you finish people will just read the synopsis online? So here we go….